


Oblivion

by Eve1978



Category: Bucky Barnes - Fandom
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-18
Updated: 2017-02-18
Packaged: 2018-09-25 09:03:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9812402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eve1978/pseuds/Eve1978
Summary: This one is quite heavy on the feels, I don’t know where it came from and it wrecked me a little but I had to write it.





	

He would never belong to her, she became more painfully aware of that every night when she crawled into bed next to him.

They say wounded people recognize each other, that their souls connect on another level, she never believed any of that.    
But with him she had seen his soul from the first time she laid eyes on him, all of it, every guilt-ridden inch. 

He was so beautiful and pure, and tormented, much like her. And yet so very different.  

She was never supposed to touch him, how was she supposed to know that?

He screamed so loud. Every night she could feel his pain, every gut wrenching cry and every desperate howl. 

At first she just stayed in the room with him, made sure he wasn’t alone. She tried talking to him, about everything and nothing, just to distract him, and the screaming would stop for a while. Some nights he even managed to sleep a little.    
  
Then she decided to crawl under the covers with him. She had been terrified that first time, terrified that he would freak out, that he would push her away and she could never come close to him ever again. But as soon as she spoke his name and gently laced her fingers into his hair, he had turned around and pulled her into his arms. Holding onto her for dear life as the last of his quiet sobs faded and he finally managed to sleep.   

It was the first quiet night the building had known in a very long time.

She knew she was crossing lines that shouldn’t be crossed but it was already too late. She had forgotten the last time her heart had felt warmth. There was no way she could let go of it now.

He was like a song she had known all her life but had just forgotten. And now that she remembered, it was in her head the entire time.

He was all that filled her mind. _Bucky_.

  It scared her at first because she had grown accustomed to being invisible. The other people in the building always looked right through her. Nobody cared about the strange quiet girl that lived on the top floor.  

But Bucky did, to him she wasn’t invisible and he changed everything. Through his eyes she had never felt more alive.

But it could never be real. He wasn’t hers, he never would be. He belonged in the light, out there, not here in the darkness with her.

Her torment was of a different kind. She never screamed.   

For her the nightmares had stopped some time ago but she could still feel them, they were buried deep inside her bones. She couldn’t shake them, not even sleeping in the warmth and safety of Bucky’s arms could heal her.

There was only darkness here, and if she stayed much longer she would pull him under with her.

***

A soft sigh escaped his lips when he felt her hand rest on his back, soothing caresses followed by the soft touch of her lips against his shoulder where she put a gentle, lingering kiss.

_‘I’m here. Everything is okay now.’_

He smiled and closed his eyes, still in awe of how she managed to take away every bad thought with just the touch of her hands. She could quiet them all and he felt sleep overtake him.

He reached for her, pulling her into his arms and feeling the warmth of her body against his, calming his soul. When he opened his eyes he was greeted by the sight that always took his breath away.   
Her skin was so pale, her eyes so endlessly blue and her lips so deeply red. He let his thumb brush over them before kissing her gently.   
She smiled into the kiss while she clung to his chest.

‘ _One day you are going to tell me your name_ ,’ Bucky whispered,’ _I won’t rest until you do._ ’

‘ _A name is just a name,_ ’ she smiled,’ _my name won’t tell you who I am._ ’

He was always shaken by the softness of her voice, as if every word she spoke was nothing but a soft whisper, only meant for his ears.

He wrapped his arms around her and closed his eyes. He wanted to stay awake and talk to her more, ask her who she was but as usual in her arms the weight of the day suddenly felt too heavy and he could no longer keep his eyes open.

‘ _Please stay,_ ’ he whispered, his voice deep and tired,’ _please always stay._ ’

‘ _I’m here, Bucky,_ ’ she kissed his jaw,’ _there’s nothing to be afraid of anymore._ ’

As soon as his breathing slowed down she wiped away the tears from her eyes and bit her lip.

She had allowed herself to come too close, made it hard for herself. If she postponed this any longer she would never find the strength.

_He’s okay now, it’s okay for me to go, to leave, he’ll be fine. I’ll be fine._

‘ _My name is Rose,_ ’ she whispered before she disappeared from his arms.

***

Bucky wandered the halls absent-mindedly, rubbing his eyes while suppressing another yawn.

He hadn’t slept well for the past 4 days, there hadn’t been any nightmares but he had still been restless.

And his bed had been empty.

He didn’t want to go knock on her door, he knew she came to him whenever she could, but he was worried. She had never left him alone that long.

‘ _Good morning, James._ ’

He woke up from his thoughts and noticed his upstairs neighbour Susan, an elderly lady in her early 70’s, coming down the stairs.

‘ _Morning, Susan,_ ’ he smiled.

She gave him a warm smile as she passed.

‘ _Can I ask you something_?’ Bucky stopped her,’ _do you know if everything is alright with…Rose_?’

‘ _Rose_?’ the old lady squinted her eyes. 

‘ _The girl from upstairs_ ,’ Bucky explained,’ _long dark hair, pale freckled skin, beautiful smile._ ’

‘ _Yes, I know Rose, but…Bucky, are you alright_?’

‘ _I’m fine, it’s just that we’ve been spending a bit of time together lately and I haven’t seen her in a few days now, I don’t want to worry but…_ ’

‘ _Honey, Rose has been dead for almost two years now._ ’

The cold chill than ran up Bucky’s spine was strong enough to make him weak on his feet and he had to grab the wall to keep himself steady.

‘ _Are you okay_?’ Susan worriedly put her hand on his arm.

‘ _I need to…get some air, I think_.’

***

Her grave was empty and neglected, no flowers, no picture or text, just a basic stone and a coffin in the ground.

Bucky swallowed hard before he kneeled down and put a bouquet of white roses under her name.

When the initial shock had wore off, when he had investigated everything Susan told him and when he had finally accepted the truth, he realized he’d known it all along.   
  
As soon as Susan spoke the words he’d known it to be true. Rose was a ghost, a soul from the past holding onto a life that was no longer hers, desperate to stay but destined to leave.

One touch at a time she had taken on Bucky’s demons and she had won the fight for him.

She hadn’t been from this world but during those moments she and Bucky spent together she had made everything in his world better.

Had it just been a few months or almost a year? He couldn’t remember exactly. Time was a funny thing, and it moved away from you much too fast. There was no way to stop it.

Rose had been barely 25 when she had moved to the big city, full of plans and excited about life. She fell in love too quickly and with the wrong man. By the time she realized it his hold on her had already been too strong, the bruises already cast too deep. She had been alone and unable to see her way out.

Bucky shivered when he remembered Susan’s words on how the police found her, her body broken and covered in a halo of her own blood. There was nothing anybody could have done they said.

_But **I** could have protected her. If only I’d known her sooner._

‘ _I would have saved you,_ ’ Bucky’s tears took the upper hand and he wiped them away in an angry gesture while he tried to bite away the pain,’ _why couldn’t I have saved you too?_ ’

He stayed by her resting place until after the sun was gone and some time after that.

From now on her grave would always have flowers and his nights would never be haunted by nightmares again.


End file.
